What Would You Do? - Commanding Respect

Here's the latest question posed by Scouting Magazine's 'What Would You Do' column:

Commanding Respect

Our troop has just seven Scouts who are 14 or older, including me, and then 15 to 20 younger Scouts. On camp-outs, the younger Scouts don’t listen to us, and they give us attitude when we ask them to do something. We have tried many things, but nothing seems to work. Could you give us some ideas?

Scout A.S. San Jose, Calif.

My Answer:

What leaders you respect and why do you respect them? Is it because they commanded that you respect them? Probably not.

I have frequently stated that "anyone can be a commander, and a trained man may often make an instructor; but a leader is more like the poet... " Baden-Powell

B.P. speaks of three different sorts of people the commander, the instructor and the leader. An echo of the leaders described in this well known quote;

The best leader is one that the people are barely aware of.
The next best is one who is loved and praised by the people.
Next comes one who is feared.
Worst is one who is despised.
If the leader does not have enough faith in his people,
They will not have faith in him.
The best leader puts great value in words and says little
So that when his work is finished
The people all say, "We did it ourselves!"

Lao Tzu
From the Tao Te Ching

Good leadership empowers people to do things for themselves.

The commander and instructor call attention to themselves that results in praise or fear or has their followers laughing at them.

Most importantly a leader must have faith in their followers. By seeing the world as they do, by valuing their time as important as their own real leaders create an atmosphere of shared accomplishment.

This question was also posted on Facebook and garnered these comments:

"Request that a parent stays on camp outs. the kids will listen then! "

If youth leaders have to rely on adults to make things happen they aren't doing much leading are they?

"Have a punishment if they don't cooperate then they don't get rank advancements and can't come the next camp out."

If they get punished they won't be interested in the next camp out anyway. Positive reinforcement and encouragement works much better (we call it Scouting!).

"Separate them into smaller groups, giving each group a difficult task to complete. Each group should not include "buddies". The group that is successful first wins a prize."

That's called Patrols and you definitely want to have 'buddies' together in a Patrol! If you rely on prizes or punishments or adults you'll always need them. Learning to lead is a much better option.

There were also some really good answers too:

This is where Scouting is different . Boys lead boys in Scouting. In Scouting we teach Servant Leadership at all levels...  Respect cannot be commanded, it must be earned. The Patrol Method is THE plan for the troop.

 

Boy scouts troop are Boy Lead.. so adults can't tell the boys to do things... how can a 14 yr old 'punish' a 10yr old?  It's a learning curve on each side for SPL/PL... and younger (Scouts).

Comments

[Bryan]

I can't say that I have much experience with this because I am a new scoutmaster. I would love to hear what someone has to say that has been at this a while, but I do have some things I would do and I figured I would just put them out there.

Patrol Method. I agree with strengthening the patrols. Student vs teacher mentality changes quick when students become the teachers. We haven't had any respect issues, but I have noticed a major change in boys when they become patrol leaders and know that more is expected from them and generally the rest of the boys follow the lead of another boy as apposed to me telling them what to do. Another aspect of the patrol method is that boys are doing what THEY choose and want to do. I can tell them to do something all day, but if they don't want to do it, it won't get done. But if they chose the location, activity and method they are paying attention.

Experiences that truly challenge. I'm of the opinion that respect and relationships just don't happen by being in the same room with someone. Fastest way to build respect and friendship is by learning together. I mean really learning and depending on one another. Our patrol is very new with boys that have very little in common. The boys wanted to rock climb though so we started the climbing merit badge. Horsing around and not listening ended when the boys realized they were more or less holding each others life in their hands. It was awesome to see them work together once they had the skills down. To see the boys pair off, choose routes, communicate and be the literal life line for one another. The patrol grew closer by overcoming a real challenge.

Start young. I'm sure some may disagree with me on this one, but I've found the disrespect bug really starts kicking in around 14. Having the older boys teach and lead younger ones always sounds great, but if you have some really difficult older boys perhaps it's better to separate the younger patrols more and prevent that sort of precedent from being established.

Venture Crew. If a bunch of your older boys are being disrespectful or acting up, there is a good chance they aren't being challenged, engaged or interested, try looking into joining or starting a venture crew to accommodate some of the older boys interests and skill level.

Of course where disrespect is a safety concern I wouldn't hesitate to say something to them. They need to understand that sometime their inability to follow through or pay attention can put themselves and other boys at risk. Key thing is to stay calm and teach them as apposed to getting revenge. That would only make things worse. Good luck, I'd love to hear more on the issue, as it really is a matter of when these types of situations arise.